free writing

Free Writing–Writing 101–I was free writing on the laptop and got a lot said, but I was touch typing and so…

awake and it’s raining again. Sleep I need some sleep I dream of sleep but cannot sleep fibro ravaging my brain and soul. Why oh why oh why? If I had it to do over I’d still live the life I’ve led but might have saved more for the rainy days of my winter. If only I had been born rich instead of smart. I’d ask mom and she’d say, ask your father. Big joke. Had she not picked him, I wouldn’t be here. Here and now I long for the lazy days of childhood when all seemed safe and normal. I miss drive in movies and drive in burger joints a& w root beer with carhops on roller skates. Miss summer evenings catching fireflies putting them iin jars lightning in a bottle why oh why oh why I wonder what it would have been like to be someone else I like who I am mind you but I also just wonder if only if only what if I nah what’s the point after all. We are who we are whatever can’t change fate or desitny despite postitive thinking gurus who dont know diddly squate about real liife real suffering I feel so sad for all those suffering in silence so some narcissitic shit can get his rocks off often I think of the life that could have bee the other fork in the road could it have been better or worse i dont know reallly I just wish I could sleep sleep sleep but no they took away the pills that worked because they said I was too old id get up at midnight and play in trraffic huh never did that even as a a child buereaoutcratic bozos deciding on my life and suffering why I sometimes hi6 6h4 e3446 epo6 I 54m4mh45 3h4n wll ie 5ih6 nr idqn 24i53 qne e43qm qne kno2 i5w tooe qne g3qu5irul my lir3 iw g3qu5irul 3sd35 ro4 5h3 pqin eon5 t35 hi5 gy q dq4 iw5 no5 qw mudh run qw you 5hink i5 2ill g3 hqh hqe jok3w onnm3 I e43qm3e I 2qw qwl33p 5gu5 5h3n q2ok3 5o 5h3 43ql qne I dqn5 dqn5 dqn5 wl33p 2ho dq43w wl33p 2h3n you43 e3qe gu5 I n33e wom3 p3qd3 p3qd3 q5 5h3 3ne I e43qm or joy qne no pqin gu5 rqulkn34 wqie h3e 5qk3 pqin of34 no5 r33lint qne I qt433 gu5 no5 5hiw pqin no5 5hiw qtony 2hy oh 2hy oh 2hy or ir you kno2 kn32 i5 2oule g3 lik3 5hiw 2oule you hqf3 aitt3e whoule I hqf3 aqtt3e eon’5 kno2 dqn5 kno2 3f3n ir lont qto I hqe gqe eq4k e43qmw 5hq5 hqun5 m3 w5ill qne dqm3 54u3 54u3 54u3 ho44igl3 gggggg2hy ir I kn32 5h3 ru5u43 2hy eie I no5 plq nro4 q lir3 or hu45 qne e3wpqi4 eiw pqi4 or who3 mqe3 ro4 2qlkint 2i5hou5 q dq43 in my hqi4 in my w5q43 ir only I ole 43qdh qno5h34 l3f3l or wl33p wl33p wl33p 2hq5 ir I hqe q pill 5hq5 2o4k3e oh ie eie qne 5h3y w5ol3 i5 5o pl3qw3 w5upie to5 j34kw 2i5h no woule wo I 4iw3 in 5h3 eq4k qne e4qt myw3lr in5o lir3 54yint 3f34 54yint qne wom35im3m3w 5h343w q mom3n5 or gliww gu5 rl335int 2q5dhint 5h3 nn3ithgo4w ho4w3w dqfo45int in 5h3 m3qeo2 my li55l3 dqr3 lquthint in 5h3 wun qne m3 2qlkint on3 mo43 w53p on3 mo43 e4ip qne i5 w5ill 4qinw dqn5 2qlk in 5h3 4qin ir I rqll ill g43qk m3 m3 m3 m3 2hy m3m3m3m3m3m3m33333k ir only ir doule wl33pk e43qmw q43 ok gu5 I juw5 2qn5 435 43wiw5 5h3 eo2n2q4e wlop3 43wiw5 if3 ql2qyw routh5 my 2qy 5h3y dqn5 t35 m3 3f3n ir I kn32 2ho 5h3y 2343 ie w5ill 43wiw5 5o my do43 2hq5 ir I hqe aitt3e inw53wqe or aqtt3e aqtnu5 n3f34 lik3e 5hq5 gq4 eon5 kno2 2hy lof3e gqgy 4u5hw qne a34o gq4 qne plqyint pool in 5h3 gqw3m3n5 rool3e q goyr4i3ne 2ho 5houth5 ie 2q5dh him plqy gu5 I plqy3e qne g3q5 him no5 tooe ie3qw goyw eon5 lik3 5o low3 5o ti4lw wo 2hq5 wd432 3m ie 4q5h34 2in on my o2n 5hqn uw3 r3minn3 2il3w 2hy oh 2hy 2hil3 I 2qw 2qlkint on3 eqy I dhqnd3e upon q li55l3 gi4e wo 5iny qne g3qu5irul qne dh33pint no5 dhi4pint wo hqppy gu5 mqyg3 juw5 5344i5o4iql 2ho kno2w gu5 h3 wh3 2qw wo wp4int wo wunny wo g4ith qne hop3rul or 5h3 eqy I uw3e 5o g3 5hq5 2qy I 54y 5o g3 5hq5 2qy 2i5hou5 5hinkint 2i5hou5 r33lint juw5 lifint 5h3 mom3n5 no mq5534 2hq5 dom3w lik3 my eot you eon5 w33 eotw in pwydhiq54iw5w orrid3w dua 5h3y lif3 in 5h3 p43w3n5 eon5 r3q4 5h3 ru5u43 qne eon5 r435 of34 5h3 pqw5 pqw5 43t435 pqww3e 43t435 ho2 dqn you t435 qtqin mqk3w no w3nw3 wn3w3 nonw3w3 oh wom3on3 t35 m3 w3nw3 2i5h no wd3n5w qne ir I hqe mo43 d3n5w ie hqf3 mo43 w3nw3 qne I e43qm or 5h3 4olllint t433n hillw qne I lif3 5h343 no2 in 5h3 w3mi p3qd3 or doun54y eqyw qne gutty nith5w no5 qmiwh gutti3w gutty inw3d5w 5hq5 gqnt you in 5h3 now3 qne 54y 5o 3q5 you4 3y3w qne guaaaa qll off34 3njoyint 5h3i4 g4i3r mom3n5 2h3n 5h3y wudk you4 gluooe qne ei3 ei3 ei3 2hy 2hy 2hy ir I doule only e43qm or wl33p wl33p q e43qm ir ir ir